Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
