Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
