i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
