and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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