I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
