is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
