i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
