Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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