My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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