We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
