I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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