You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
