dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
