i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
