the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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