The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
