I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
