We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
