my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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