I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
