did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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