what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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