So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
