Welp...herpes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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