Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Buhtt sex?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
