Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
