No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
