is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
