I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
