I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
