just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
