I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
