Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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