clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
