Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
