I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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