I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
