On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
