you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
