I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
