so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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