you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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