scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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