singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
