...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So vagazzling was a success
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
