isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He passed out mid-signature
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
