the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
