he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Two words: nipple clamps
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