It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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