i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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