You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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