I will die if light touches me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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