How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
