I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
