So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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